Dad's Signs

I was with my mom, tending to her needs and not wanting to watch the news because it’s depressing. I knew I had to take out the garbage and that’s a huge chore because it’s 2 garbage cans, recycling can with 2 extra bags and compost bin. I was looking forward to going up when the song played. I was surprised but happy; knowing it was my late dad.

He would want me to know that I’m not alone even when the people of this world don’t want to listen and/or respect me. I’ve been fighting an endless battle with my sister. I would’ve cut her off a long time ago if she was my friend, but she’s my sister so I have to tolerate her, but I’m sick and tired of dealing w/ her. She needs to give me space, but she keeps intruding.

My dad said “I’ll Find You,” when I least expect it; when I need him. I’m happy he speaks to me through music. It’s so special. It shows our bond is strong even though he’s on the other side. He helped me yesterday with the lottery numbers drawing and I won. The number was our address, where he resided til his death and also, his late dad’s death date. Then the next lottery numbers to come out that evening was his death date 11/7 or 117 and I that was confirmation that it was him, who helped me win yesterday. He knows I have no job because I stopped to take care of my mom. It hasn’t been easy.

I always wanted to celebrate my late dad’s birthday. I think he knows and sees that and regrets not spending enough time with me. I tried my best to celebrate his birthday outside at Outback Steakhouse. It brought me so much joy! There was a birthday when I went with Marcus on Saturday and I thought of my dad. I’m crying so hard because I miss him so much. I haven’t had time to grieve him.

Our bond is incredibly strong. I love it! I carry my dad’s spirit with me in my light. My personality is more private and reserved like his. When I’m strong, I try not to show emotion and stick to the task at hand. When I’m being funny, I think of the movies he used to watch and love like Jim Carrey movies. When I’m kind, my giving nature.

The struggles I’m facing is putting my mom’s needs before my own. I had to use the bathroom but I held it to tend to my mom’s diabetes. I almost peed on myself, so next time I should take care of that first. This will remind me to put myself first.

ChatGPT gave me these prompts to write about my dad. It even suggested I write a letter, so I did just that:

Hi Papi,

I’m happy you spoke to me in a song. I hope you can do that with my sister, Arlene, too, so she doesn’t feel alone. It seems like she’s jealous or envious whenever I tell her I get signs from you. I think it’s because I’m more pure or spiritually connected or in tune with God. My faith is strong. It makes me feel special and one of a kind, so please keep playing the music in my phone without me turning it on. I love you! I miss you!

Love always,

Brendi (tu negrita) 🫶